2036
By now, I’ve made peace with the cringe that retches through me every time these dreaded Facebook memories show up. Look at me, back in 2025, declaring with an adamant arrogance: “Today they’re privatizing air, tomorrow they’ll privatize our lungs, then our bodies. Where does it ever stop?!” Where does it ever stop? God, why was I so dramatic and hyperbolic back then? Of course it stops somewhere, Raghav. It stops with the privatization of air... No corporation is ever coming for your Delhi-infested lungs, even if you settle in the Pro-O2 zones for life. I never get why I was so bothered by capitalism in my 20’s. Wasting a decade opposing a system that beautifully runs the world if you know where to look.
Uhh. Mental note to make that post private before I get fired.
2030
“Sir actually we’re from JioSaans.”
“Ohh! Ye area Relaynce ko tender hua?”
“Yes sir. Do you have your Aadhar sir?”
“Haan.”
“Thank you sir, Prepaid or Postpaid?”
“Uh, pre-”
“Thank you sir. We have to tell you sir, your residency falls in the O2 member zone. But for a small premium, we can upgrade you to the Pro-O2 zones, subject to vacancy sir.”
“Ohh, uhh--”
“Sir, O2 zones are great if you’re on a budget. Air Index always 120 or below, this is our guarantee. But our Pro-O2 customers, as you can see in the pamphlet, they get ‘satyug si satvayu’. AQI never exceeds even 60 sir.”
“Hmm. O2 hi chalega.”
“Sir Pro-O2 consumers also get flavored air every morning, evening. Sir we offer rose rozana™, raat ki rani™, megha the rain smells™, all authentic natural smells available only to the premium customer and--”
“No, really, O2 is fine.”
“Sir you can take EMI membership also if you--”
“MAI BOLA NA O2 IS FINE!!”
“Sir please don’t yell, I’m just doing my job.”
“Yes, sorry… Sign kaha karu?”
2036
I still find myself overcome with crippling Imposter’s. It’s mostly the raised eyebrows, the envious squints, the bitterly worn smiles that remind me I shouldn’t be working here. For a man who’s hated corporations all his growing life, to find himself working for Relaynce, with their campuses in Delhi’s Pro-O2 zones, is a painful irony to project to the world. But I’d take irony over irrationality any day. It’s a desk job and it pays the bills. I barely move for the 14 hours that I work here. Some days I even forget I am a body. I think it’s this truly golden opportunity to work at a time when even the younger ones are sitting hopelessly idle. As much as I love my work though, on some rare evenings, I am overcome with a longing to cheat. Those days I time my bowel movements for sunset.
There’s a cracked window in one of the washroom cubicles. And if I've made it in time, I can smell the raat ki rani™.
2031
How do you save a crushed rose in a rally of rage? I tried guarding it under my jacket. I looked around. Thousands of faces, equally afraid.
Why is he crushing my garden? What protection are thorns against laathis?
I can hear the police sirens grow louder. Why are they here? It was a peaceful march! We were asking for the right to make our airs smell nicer.
“You can’t violate olfactory copyrights!” he declared. Ergh. I can smell the corporate lawyer talk from a mile away. We can’t violate olfactory copyrights? Because saying ‘you can’t make middle class zones smell like the premium zones we charge hefty cash for’ would be the kind of bullshit that starts a revolution? Aah, the revolution. When will thee come?
We won’t budge. Air belongs to nature, not markets. We will resist. Viva la revolution.
(Don’t be quiet, Rally for your right!) We’re marching to the parliament. No one will monopolize the air we breathe. (Don’t be quiet, Rally for your right!) Are you joining?
How do you save a crushed rose in a rally of rage? You might have a jacket, but they have pellet guns.
2006
I’m confused. Dad’s watching Barkha aunty and people are very angry at Mangal Pandey. He said something about Narmada. In class, what had Ruchi ma’am said about Narmada? Dams on rivers, people happily leaving their huts, something something. Will they build a dam on our house one day? Will we also leave happily? Who owns our land? Us or dam building people?
2019
I’m furious. Why is Navika not talking about it? They were trying to save Aarey, weren’t they? How can they be jailed for wanting trees to not be cut? Who owns the damn forests? Tribals or corporations? Who makes these laws? People or corporations?
2035
I’m irritated. Why are they always protesting? The real revolution's in technology, not socialism! “Who owns the air?” Like you don’t know! Corporations do. They own it and they keep it clean. It’s better than breathing that asthamtic shit the rest of our lives. Modern air is cleaner. And it smells nicer than natural air anyway.
2028
A grey evening sky. The metro halts and she steps out, wrapped in a saffron saree. Though her face is covered with a grey mask, you can tell it's our environment minister, Smt Kangana. She sighs, fatigued. As the metro leaves, she looks at the grey dusk sky, dejected. Then she looks at us. “Bareh baj rahe hain. Ye NCR ke log itna pradushan kaise jhelte hain? Hum outsiders se toh nahi hota.” I still laugh when she says outsiders in this context. Thank you to whoever wrote this commercial. You’re winning in life.
As she fakes a cough, the JioBot appears. That cliche Relaynce jingle starts playing as he holds Kangana by the hand and teleports her into a garden. “Ye hum kaha hain, JioBot?!” “Delhi mei, Kangana!” “Sach mei?!” She gasps overdramatically. Politics really ruined her acting skills.
The commercial cuts to a drone shot of Delhi as the narrator explains, “Straight from the IITs, comes the AQ Propeller tech that will make Delhi feel like Dalhousie. Vote Relaynce, and help us purify the air in your locality! JioSaans, kyunki jaha saans hai, wahaan JioSaans hai!” Wow. Relaynce ads have become so sarkari. Birds of a feather, they say?
2025
There’s so much I want to express. But it's pointless if it's not eye-catching and shareable. Umm...
“They can’t just auction our air to those crony cunts!!! Who the fuck are they?” Naah, too angry.
“Why is the opposition so silent? Why are the courts not stopping this madness?” Nope, shifts the blame.
“Clean air is a human right! It is the government’s duty to give us all a clean, breathable air! They can’t let the market do it. Rights are not commodities to be sold for profit!! Especially this technology which was developed in the IITs with our taxpayer money.” Nope, I come off as a know-it-all bragster.
“Where will the poor go?? If how much you can afford decides the quality of air you breathe, will they force the poor and homeless out of our localities?? And what about the fact that our residual discharge will make their airs even worse?? Given most poor and homeless are tribals and dalits, this is also a classist and casteist oppression that--” Nope, they'll think I have a God complex.
“Today they’re privatizing air, tomorrow they’ll privatize our lungs, then our bodies. Where does it ever stop?!” Perfect. Dramatic and hyperbolic and succinct. Now I just hope people do their part and share this. Given the scale of protests raging outside, it’s unlikely this fascist government will succeed in their crony dreams. Remember, remember, the promise of December: the revolution is coming.